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Navigating Trauma Responses: From Survival to Empowerment


Illustration of a resilient human figure standing amid abstract chaos, symbolizing strength in overcoming adversity.
Standing Resilient in the Face of Life's Storms.

January 18, 2024

By Alina P. Halonen, LPCC, CCTP


Introduction: The Legacy of Survival and the Challenge of Healing


Survival is an art intricately woven into the fabric of human existence, a legacy passed down through generations. This art, born out of necessity, is encoded within the very sinews of our nervous system, a testament to the resilience of our species. Yet, in the aftermath of danger, these once lifesaving responses can transform into chains that bind us to the past, hindering our journey to recovery. It's a paradox of our biology: what once protected us can become a barrier to our healing.


Consider the case of a young girl, a character not unlike many we may encounter in the therapy room, or perhaps even in the mirror of our past. She lives in the eye of an emotional storm, her home, where her father's unpredictable tempests of anger clash with the silence of her work-absent mother. It’s in this unstable and threatening environment that her young nervous system, seeking safety, learns to navigate survival.


So, how does this young girl, or any individual thrust into a sea of chronic distress, find the shore of stability? How can we, as therapists, guides, and fellow travelers, work with the deeply ingrained defenses to help not just the girl, but anyone scarred by trauma, to heal and find peace?


In the narrative of trauma, it's crucial to recognize that while the threat may no longer be present, the nervous system may still be on high alert. This heightened state, a hair-trigger readiness to respond to perceived danger, can lead to a life where one is constantly shadowed by fear. It's as though the smoke detector in the brain is too sensitive, sounding an alarm at the slightest hint of smoke, long after the fire is gone.


Our ancestors, facing literal predators and constant threats to their existence, evolved a trio of autonomic responses: the social engagement for co-regulation, the sympathetic mobilization for fight or flight, and the parasympathetic immobilization for shutdown in the face of inescapable danger. These are the tools handed down to us, the inheritance of our survival.


Yet, this same inheritance can become maladaptive. Like a path well-trodden, the neurological connections formed in response to trauma become entrenched, making these once adaptive responses the default setting for a system struggling to recognize safety. The girl's story is a powerful illustration of this struggle, a microcosm of the fight for survival that many face.


In the forthcoming sections, we will explore the nuances of these responses through the lens of polyvagal theory, unraveling the science behind our instinct to survive and the path to transcend these primal reactions. We will look at how, through understanding and right-brain communication, we can connect with clients in a way that goes beyond words, and how we can empower them to step into a life not just marked by survival, but defined by thriving.



Two human silhouettes connecting empathetically, surrounded by waves and light beams, representing social engagement in trauma response.
The Healing Power of Connection and Understanding.

When the Social Engagement System Responds to Trauma


Humans, like many mammals, are inherently social beings, and the social engagement system is our foremost tool for survival. It's through the nuanced interplay of facial expressions, vocal tones, and the language of our bodies that we communicate safety, empathy, and understanding to one another. This system, an evolutionary gift, allows us to forge connections that can mitigate threats and provide solace in times of distress.


For the young girl in our story, living under the shadow of her father's unpredictability, the social engagement system is her beacon in the dark. It is this system that she might engage when reaching out to her mother, calling her at work, or displaying her longing for safety to a teacher who appears trustworthy. It is the unspoken cry for help that resonates on a frequency understood by those attuned to its call.


The attach/cry-for-help response is primal and visceral. It is not merely an expression of sadness or a request for comfort; it is a survival signal, as potent as the infant's wail that compels caregiving from an adult. And as adults, this response doesn't vanish; it simply evolves. For our girl, this means seeking a caregiver's protection, a plea made not with words, but with the language of the nervous system.


As therapists and healers, our task is to tune into this non-verbal dialogue. Janina Fisher, PhD, speaks to the essence of "right-brain communication," which transcends verbal interaction. It involves the whole self, the subtle cues of our presence that speak of safety and understanding. This is where healing begins, in the space where two nervous systems converse without words, where the therapist's steady presence can become a grounding force for the client.


Yet, boundaries are essential. As much as we may wish to be a constant pillar of support, our role is not to become an ever-present savior, but to empower the client towards self-reliance. Christine Padesky, PhD, advocates for a strengths-based approach, focusing on areas where clients already excel, and leveraging those successes to tackle greater challenges. It is through these steps that we can help foster resilience, guiding clients to find and harness their inner strengths.


In the end, the true art of therapy lies not in erasing the need for others, but in nurturing a client's ability to thrive both independently and within the tapestry of their relationships. It is a delicate balance, one that honors the instinct to reach out, while also cultivating the courage to stand alone.



Human silhouette in a submissive posture for the 'fawn' trauma response, with abstract elements suggesting appeasement.
Navigating the Complex Dance of Appeasement and Survival.

The Fawn Response: Please and Appease


In the shadowy dance of trauma responses, the fawn response, often termed as 'please and appease', plays a subtle yet profound role. It's a strategy borne out of the need to mitigate threat through compliance and placation. This response is particularly prevalent in scenarios of repetitive abuse or recurring trauma, where the victim learns that safety lies in the appeasement of the aggressor.


Our young girl, faced with the volatile temperament of her father, instinctively understands this. She learns that her survival in this unpredictable environment hinges on her ability to keep her father appeased. When she brings home a failed test for him to sign, she braces for his anger. But when she is obedient, or better yet, makes him look good in front of others, she finds temporary reprieve from his wrath.


This response, however, extends beyond the confines of a troubled home. In therapy, clients may carry these patterns of pleasing and appeasing, often unconsciously seeking approval or trying to be the 'good client'. This can create a complex dynamic, where progress might appear to be made, but its roots lie in a defensive strategy rather than genuine healing.


As therapists, our challenge is to navigate this nuanced terrain with sensitivity and insight. The journey begins with asking probing questions that encourage clients to explore their own thoughts and feelings. "Is that what you would think if you were on your own?" This question can help them start to differentiate between their own needs and desires and the conditioned responses aimed at pleasing others.


Giving permission is another powerful tool. Letting clients know that their range of emotions is valid and they have the right to experience and express them is crucial. "Your range of emotion does not end where others can tolerate it." This affirmation empowers clients to honor their feelings.


Compassion also plays a vital role. Reminding clients of their intrinsic worth irrespective of how much they please others can be liberating. "No human being is worth more than another, including you." Such affirmations can help dismantle the deeply ingrained belief systems that fuel the fawn response.


Finally, role-playing relational empowerment offers a practical avenue for clients to practice asserting themselves in a safe environment. "I appreciate your input and why you think that. I saw it a different way." This approach helps clients to experience and understand that their voice matters, and they can express dissent without jeopardizing their safety or worth.


In essence, the journey towards healing from the fawn response is about rediscovering one's own voice and worth, independent of others' approval or disapproval. It's about learning that true safety lies not in perpetual appeasement but in the strength of one's authentic self.



Two silhouettes depicting care and support, embodying the 'tend and befriend' trauma response with nurturing environment symbols.
Compassion in Action: The Essence of Tending and Befriending.

Compassion as a Response: Tend and Befriend


The 'tend and befriend' response, a nuanced adaptation of our survival repertoire, emerges as a compassionate answer to stress and trauma. This response is deeply rooted in our social nature as humans, where caregiving and building supportive relationships become mechanisms for coping with adversity. It is the drive that compels us to look beyond our own plight and extend a hand to others in their times of need.


Originally conceptualized as a stress response predominantly observed in women, 'tend and befriend' transcends gender boundaries. It embodies the instinct to nurture and protect, and to seek safety in numbers. This response is often internalized through socialization, where one's value and self-worth are perceived as being contingent upon what we contribute to others.


In our ongoing narrative, the young girl, living in a world where safety is a rare commodity, might naturally gravitate towards caring for others, finding solace in the act of giving. This might manifest in her tending to a younger sibling or seeking to appease her father, not just for her own safety, but from a genuine place of empathy and concern.


While compassion and caregiving are inherently positive traits, when they overshadow one's own needs and lead to self-neglect, they can perpetuate stress and trauma. It's a delicate balance between caring for others and self-care, where the latter often gets overlooked in the pursuit of the former.


As therapists and healers, our role is to help clients recognize this imbalance and to encourage self-care as a priority. The metaphor of the airplane oxygen mask is apt here: one must secure their own mask before assisting others. This metaphor can be a powerful tool in therapy, helping clients understand the importance of self-care in order to be effectively present for others.


Strategies for clients who predominantly exhibit the 'tend and befriend' response involve fostering self-compassion and helping them establish boundaries. It's about guiding them to understand that their worth is not solely dependent on their ability to care for others. This understanding can be transformative, allowing clients to embrace self-care without feeling selfish or guilty.


In therapy, this can involve exercises that focus on identifying personal needs, practicing saying 'no', and engaging in self-nurturing activities. It’s about redefining the narrative from being solely a caregiver to being a person who is also deserving of care and compassion.


Ultimately, healing from trauma involves not just overcoming the past but also reimagining the future. For those who 'tend and befriend', the future is about harmonizing the instinct to care for others with the equally important need to care for oneself.



A silhouette appearing immobilized, surrounded by abstract elements of being stuck in time, depicting the 'freeze' trauma response.
Frozen in Time: The Paradox of the Freeze Response.

When the Sympathetic Nervous System Responds to Trauma


Before the emergence of the social engagement system, our ancestors relied heavily on the sympathetic nervous system to confront threats. This ancient response system orchestrates the well-known 'fight or flight' reaction, preparing the body to either confront danger head-on or to flee from it. However, when neither fighting nor fleeing is viable, the nervous system employs another tactic: freeze.


The freeze response is like an emergency brake. It occurs when the body perceives a threat so overwhelming that neither fight nor flight can guarantee survival. In this state, a person might experience a sense of immobilization, akin to being frozen in place. It's a chronic version of the orienting response, where the body, despite being in a state of hyperarousal, appears externally motionless.


This response can be clearly seen in our ongoing narrative of the young girl. In her home, where escaping or confronting her father isn't an option, freezing becomes her refuge. Her body prepares for the threat, heart rate and blood pressure rising, muscles tensing, yet she remains outwardly still, trapped in a moment of suspended action.


For therapists, working with clients stuck in the freeze response is challenging. As Bessel van der Kolk, PhD, points out, "You cannot do psychotherapy or psychoeducation when people are frozen." The first step in helping is to create a sense of safety, to thaw the frozen state and bring the client back into their window of tolerance.


According to Peter Levine, PhD, finding a release for the stored energy is crucial. This can be tricky as the brain in a freeze response might not effectively process verbal communication. Therefore, the therapist must communicate safety through non-verbal means, like gentle body movements, or through the tone and rhythm of their voice.


Stephen Porges, PhD, suggests a two-step process: removing cues of danger and sneaking in cues of safety. For instance, avoiding direct eye contact, which might be perceived as a threat, and using a soothing voice can be effective. It's about re-engaging the social engagement system to help the client emerge from the freeze response.


In essence, working with the freeze response is about nurturing a transition from a state of immobilization to one of safety and engagement. It’s a gradual process of coaxing the nervous system back to a place where it no longer perceives the present as a continuation of the traumatic past.



Illustration of a human in shutdown mode, with a subdued posture within a disconnected, abstract environment for trauma response.
Retreating into Silence: The Shutdown Mode of Trauma.

When the Parasympathetic Nervous System Responds to Trauma


In the diverse spectrum of trauma responses, the parasympathetic nervous system's role is often the most profound yet understated. This system, an early evolutionary development, is responsible for what is known as the 'shutdown' or 'collapse' response. It is the body's last line of defense when faced with a threat so overwhelming that fight, flight, or freeze are not viable options.


The shutdown response is a form of parasympathetic immobilization, a survival strategy that predates our sympathetic responses. It's akin to playing dead when all other options are exhausted. In this state, the body's systems slow down to a crawl, reducing visibility to predators or aggressors. It's a protective mechanism, minimizing harm when danger is inevitable.


In the story of our young girl, this response might manifest in moments of extreme distress, where she becomes emotionally and physically disconnected, retreating into a world where the pain and fear are less acute. This dissociation can serve as a mental refuge, a place of apparent safety where the harsh realities of her environment are momentarily blurred.


However, repeated reliance on this shutdown response can have long-term effects. As Ruth Lanius, MD, PhD, points out, the chemicals that facilitate these out-of-body experiences are also linked to chronic depression. Moreover, being in a dulled, unaware state can leave individuals more vulnerable to further trauma.


In therapy, the approach to addressing shutdown responses involves working with the body, the nervous system, and the mind. By helping clients physically counteract the collapse through aligned posture and suppressed movements, therapists can encourage a return to a more empowered state. Role-playing assertive defense strategies can also aid in differentiating between the collapsed state and states of higher energy and control.


Additionally, reframing the perspective of the shutdown response to see it as an adaptive survival mechanism can foster self-compassion and reduce the shame often associated with this response. It's about recognizing the shutdown for what it is: a survival strategy that has outlived its utility.


Ultimately, the goal is to guide clients towards recognizing and embracing their window of tolerance, where they have the power and control to engage with life and its challenges in a healthy and balanced manner. It's a journey from learned helplessness to empowered resilience, from surviving to thriving.



Pathway from a dark forest to a sunlit clearing symbolizing the healing journey from trauma to recovery, with hopeful symbols.
From the Shadows to the Light: The Path of Healing from Trauma.

Conclusion: Honoring the Healing Journey


Our exploration of trauma responses – from the primal fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, to the evolved nuances of social engagement and shutdown – has illuminated the intricate ways our minds and bodies navigate the aftermath of trauma. These responses, while sometimes overwhelming, are powerful testaments to our innate capacity for resilience and adaptation.


The journey of healing from trauma is not a linear path; it is more akin to navigating a complex labyrinth. It requires courage, patience, and a willingness to confront and embrace the deepest aspects of our experiences. This process is not merely about managing symptoms but about honoring the multifaceted narrative of survival and transformation.


As therapists, our role is to guide clients through this labyrinth, helping them to understand and work with their trauma responses. By doing so, we open pathways to deeper self-awareness, empowerment, and ultimately, recovery. It's about nurturing a transition from a place where trauma defines one's existence to a realm where it informs a journey toward a stronger, more resilient self.


In the words of Alina P. Halonen, LPCC, "Each response to trauma holds a story of survival." By recognizing and working through these responses, we illuminate the path to healing, not just for the individual but for the collective human experience.


Our exploration ends here, but the journey of healing continues. It is a path marked by moments of challenge and triumph, of darkness and light. As we navigate this path, let us remember that in the heart of trauma lies the seed of growth, the potential for transformation, and the promise of a new beginning.


For those on their healing journey, remember, you are not alone. Seek support, be it through therapy, community, or self-care practices. For professionals, continue to educate yourselves, refine your skills, and above all, approach each client with empathy and compassion. Together, we can turn the narratives of trauma into stories of hope and resilience.



Please note that the references provided are for informational purposes only and should not replace professional advice or guidance from a qualified therapist or mental health professional.


© Alina P. Halonen, LPCC, CCTP 2024. All Rights Reserved.

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